Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
