You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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