She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
