Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
