I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
