Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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