You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
