Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Less talking, more tequila
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
