This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need a beard to bite.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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