so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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