He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
God, I missed his penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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