she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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