dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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