She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
