tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
