We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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