Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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