I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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