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Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
