i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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