My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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