It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
