just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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