After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my shit smells like andre
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
