Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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