meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
