he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
