I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
