yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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