i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
