There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
