hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
