somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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