I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
