Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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