Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
