Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
