Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
