the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
