I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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