We're facebook friends in real life
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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