U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
