lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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