oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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