I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
