my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
