it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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