It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
