oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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