Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
