i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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