My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
